She still wants me

That's what she said, literally. So here I am, a few months later, enjoying the single life and not even thinking about the last relationship when I finally decide to talk to her. Of course I wish I hadn't. She is a nice woman, I still care about her despite what transpired between us, so I thought I should talk to her and see what she's been up to.

Sigh, apparently she still wants me and wanted a second chance, etc. But then comes the question, what if the second chance is given out of sympathy and not love, is there time for the love to come? pun intended. I don't know, made me sad to see her still resenting but after the ensuing lecture I gave her, I hope she moves on, coz she can do better.

The Problem

So it seems the girl troubles continue even today, or at least did. To which point the awesome Seni, came in and helped straighten my thinking. She likes someone else and thank God for that, if not I'd have to go through the usual trouble of getting them someone else or helping them get someone else. All messy work that I just can't afford to do, given my current schedules.

Well hopefully I will get up in the morning and this will be gone, but while we're on the subject, it's interesting to look at some of those 'swing and miss' songs from back in the day, ok may be not too back.

This was all over the place, and it was even more annoying when people with bad voices gave up lip-syncing and actually singing it.



Then there was this one as well, which was more fun to sing along to I suppose



And this last one wasn't as popular as the other two, but it was what I used to sing during those times.

Lust is in the air

That's one thing I suppose has been hard about the breakup, the love strengthened, undercurrent sensitivity. That sounds complex but in simple, love never dies, it just translates into lust. Now that I'm finally over my 'disgust' for feminine drama, it's like I'm sub-consciously searching for someone else, emanating lust and probing for sexual undercurrents. It all sounds weird when you think about it consciously, but I guess it's the 'hearts' natural response.

But I guess I've already gotten used to fighting off the temptation, grabbing the lust and stuffing it into a lamp. Oh boy, it's no easy task, but it's something I have to work hard at because many of my best friends are girls, and I want my relationships with them to stay the way they are, no complications, no drama. I guess one day, the right one will come along, till then, it's a whole lot of fighting away the temptation.

Simplicity is the essence of life

I don't know what it is about the material life that keeps people attracted to it, but in the end it's just all hollow, what you own, ends up owning you, your life is weighed down by the material and not filled with what's important, life.

Especially with the rise in capitalism, everyone's just worried about working long and making money to buy everything the want, but is that all there is to life? Just working long, making money and spending it, where is the love, where is the life, isn't it more about the life in your days than the days in your life.

Sigh, wish it were as simple though, the reality is that we live in a world where it is necessity, the being excessive, having what we want and working the long hours doing something we may not even like. I guess the rents have to be made, bills need to be paid and food put on the table.

I wish it was simple, make love on a white sanded beach and eat whatever the sea brings, roll a joint and smoke up on a hammock by the sea, ah qui est la vie, but then again, not to be, time to start working again.

So much love you can't show it

I think I talk a lot about my Dad at times, but he hasn't been around for the past 5 years, and it's been Mum who's been doing his job. I know she's done a lot for me over the two decades of my life, and even before it and I'm utterly grateful for it, but I wish that I could show her that.

I gave up priesthood because the guy in the clouds couldn't give her happiness and decided to work for it myself and I am little by little, but sometimes it's now enough for her to notice I'm trying. I try, it's a thought I start most of my days with, but if only she knew.

But anyway, I love her and will tell her that someday, give to her everything she's given me. I hope that day comes soon, because I sense with everyday that passes, she's not who she was. With everyday that passes, the inevitable dawns.

As strong as she is, even she can't fight that. Brings me to the verge of tears sometimes, even now as I write, she's next to me, reading me the news. I love you mom.