So much love you can't show it

I think I talk a lot about my Dad at times, but he hasn't been around for the past 5 years, and it's been Mum who's been doing his job. I know she's done a lot for me over the two decades of my life, and even before it and I'm utterly grateful for it, but I wish that I could show her that.

I gave up priesthood because the guy in the clouds couldn't give her happiness and decided to work for it myself and I am little by little, but sometimes it's now enough for her to notice I'm trying. I try, it's a thought I start most of my days with, but if only she knew.

But anyway, I love her and will tell her that someday, give to her everything she's given me. I hope that day comes soon, because I sense with everyday that passes, she's not who she was. With everyday that passes, the inevitable dawns.

As strong as she is, even she can't fight that. Brings me to the verge of tears sometimes, even now as I write, she's next to me, reading me the news. I love you mom.