People Oh People

I wonder what to make of them, some make you sad, some make you happy, a few make you special, some piss you off, many use you and some will always be with you.

People do a lot of things to you that can make you who you are when you call it a day and the interesting bit is that I always thought I had people figured out, but it seems now that you can't, not even the most important person in your life, YOU.

I've always trusted people, over-estimated them and taken them for more than their worth as people. But as time goes by, you gradually understand the workings of people and learn to take everyone with a pinch of salt, on face value.

But that being said, there are always those who will surprise most often in a bad way, but that's a part of life I guess. We are all victims entangled in the fabric of fate, people are part of our circumstances, they add to who we are. It's like that cliche saying that it's the people that color our lives and I so agree with it.

Change

It's the most constant thing in the universe. Change it's both good and bad, sometimes welcome, sometimes not. I'm stuck at this sudden shift in tides, I knew it was coming, but not how or when. But I guess there is no point fearing change, it's better to embrace it and be done with it.

Serenade

Was the soundtrack of the night yesterday as I think my most mixed emotion day of the year came to an end. It was a morning where I went to see my best friend of 8 years, after not seeing him for a year. Of course it was a big deal because here was a man I had seen almost everyday of my life for the past 8 years.

But sadly people had to ruin it by acting immature and just taking the piss. But I guess throughout the day, the other reason to smile was that I had a Skype date with the lovely Seni, which is always something I can do however late in the night it goes on till. Although yesterday I did manage to ruin a surprise she had for me sadly.

But as usual Seni cheered me up, and as I was about to go to sleep, it was Kei and Vishmi in the act. It was just a whole exchange of happiness and brilliant songs. I just can't describe it, I just know I didn't want to go to sleep. I don't know what I'd do without friends like them.

So much love you can't show it

I think I talk a lot about my Dad at times, but he hasn't been around for the past 5 years, and it's been Mum who's been doing his job. I know she's done a lot for me over the two decades of my life, and even before it and I'm utterly grateful for it, but I wish that I could show her that.

I gave up priesthood because the guy in the clouds couldn't give her happiness and decided to work for it myself and I am little by little, but sometimes it's now enough for her to notice I'm trying. I try, it's a thought I start most of my days with, but if only she knew.

But anyway, I love her and will tell her that someday, give to her everything she's given me. I hope that day comes soon, because I sense with everyday that passes, she's not who she was. With everyday that passes, the inevitable dawns.

As strong as she is, even she can't fight that. Brings me to the verge of tears sometimes, even now as I write, she's next to me, reading me the news. I love you mom.

Look both ways before you cross

Sigh, the same road rule applies to the crossroads of life, weigh your options and check everything else before you take a decision to do something. But then again, when there is a man in the clouds who's already made that choice for your, but makes you think that you re making that choice for yourself, what really is the point?

Ah I give up, I'm just going to go make myself some strawberry jelly. fooey!

I write on too many blogs

But most of them are mainstream and most of the people know who I am, so I'm not really able to say the personal things I want to get out of my system. So I thought, I'd stay away from the blog aggregates and blogrolls, a space where just a few people may stumble onto, a place I'd feel okay putting up the sentimental stuff and yes, if you are reading this you are one of them, just don't tell anyone else about this.

Sometimes I wonder why we do the things we do, even when not necessary, but apparently it's something everyone does, well so says my mum. I'm at this point in life where, I have skills that make me money, good enough to live for myself, get married on the beach and even have a daughter called Christina. Of course when I snap out of that dream, there is the family coming up and saying, your options aren't safe, writing won't pay much, you die like lasantha or get tied to a tree and, of course, there is the you can do better!

But the point is, do I want to do better? But do I really know what I really want? Fuck no! I'm just 20, I don't want to live that long, but I think I have longer to live, how do I judge where that end of the race to manhood is? Is there an end? Do we just go on one day till we wake up to take a piss in the morning and think, "I think i've crossed the finish line".

16 years of education already with no end in sight, it's like a giant redwood tree growing up my ass every year, every year it seems harder to get away from. Sigh it's at times like this I wish I was born in the 60's just sex, drugs, rock and roll!

I'm sure I'd be at a Jimi Hendrix concert, with long hair, bell bottoms, hugging my girlfriend and singing along to 'castles made of sand'. Oh well, back to reality, the books, the research and every other meh.