I think I've made a mistake here and thought I could get away with everything and get anything I wanted. I'll write this now so that I don't do anything stupid with the thoughts that are buzzing around my head. No should have meant no and that's how I should have left it, but instead I've gone and lost every relation to her in the process. Not cool. I can tell I'm being ignored, I know I do it to people. And I think it's bloody fair that she does. But I think the church problem is going to be harder to fix, but in the end, if I have to, I will stop going to church for it. Not out of my lack of faith or urge to worship, but because I have to. In my life led trying to earn people, she's worth a lot to me. My conviction and beliefs will always remain strong, He's been like my replacement father for over half a decade, I'm sure He has a pretty good idea of how my mind works.
If it means giving up that hour of happiness on a Sunday so that her life won't get affected, so be it. I will not step into another church again, in the two months, St.Paul's has given me hope that there are others like me out there and given meaning to my mundane weeks. But all good things come to an end, looks like that is a family I don't belong in and I'm not ok with that, but I guess I just have to accept that fact that I'll give up something I like to preserve things with her. Her reasons I'm not sure, but they are justified, no anger no grudges. It's for obvious reasons I obviously like her, but if that's going to affect her life in a bad way, then step back I will, it's my duty. We are all running in this grand scheme of things, not knowing how it will all play out. I hope one day the answers will come. One day soon.
