Looking at the varied other methods to exit the world in terms of suicide; most of the methods are messy. The most glamorous of course being ODing on drugs and dying of asphyxiation, not a very pretty way to be found lying in your couch covered in blood and puke with your eyes reaching for the stars while your soul hangs from the rafters above watching the people who loved you, or at least you loved trying to resuscitate you without success. But the catch there is that it only works if you were 27 like Hendrix and Cobain, Forever 27 you will remain they will most likely carve on your tombstone. Choke when you're anything but 27 and you're labelled a junkie. Good thing about it though is that there is no room for uncertainty, once you snort that shit or shoot up, there is no turning back, the merchants of death begin their work and there ain't no stopping them.
Slitting your wrists I suppose is the most common way to go, but that too is messy, bloody messy and your body's defense mechanisms and life preservation systems kick in and Vito your will to die. I've tried it and many a time, I'm left with nothing but an incision, a bloody razor, a lot of explaining to do on how I accidentally cut it while getting off a bus and having to live with myself thinking I was too pussy to die. But using a drowsing agent does help, like maybe overdoing a lot of Panadol. That shit numbs your senses, drops your reflexes and stirs your brain and perception of time leaving you in a daze but most often than not your earlier said mechanisms and systems can kick in and Vito it and make you drag your ass to the doctor and that too leaves a lot of explaining to do and they're probably going to recommend you to go see a shrink, keep you under surveillance or worse, enroll you in a help group, fuck!
It is sort of the same scenario when it comes to asphyxiation via hanging. Pretty old school method and can be efficient if you do it right but then again there is the chance of those earlier said mechanisms coming into play causing you to force your way out of the predicament and in the process damaging other body parts and ending up with a strained neck or damage to the connection between your tongue and your larynx and throat and fuck! that hurts like a bitch even years later, it's like a cramp at the top of your throat that leaves you in pain, immobile and speechless for a minute or two, not handy if you lived past dying and on a date with another person might eventually try the same thing again. Plus this is also a really ugly way of dying because the moment that noose pulls upwards you feel your eyes bulging and trying to shoot out through the roof like a flare saying "help! this crazy mafucker tryna' kill himself". So being found dangling from the rafters with your eyes popped out while your lifeless body waves about in the breeze of the cold November rain, life blown out like a candle in the wind - yes, not too pretty.
In much the same way, there's a million ways to die, in fact, there is a whole book in talking about it but if only I had the time. I think dying in my sleep is how I would want to go, or maybe even donating organs to my mum who deserves their services more than I do. But I wish I knew how to do it - they say where there's a will, there is a way, so if I will hard enough can I really die in my sleep? If only that were the case. No hurt or damage to my face, wearing a smile that forever stays, no one to question if I had suicidal ways. After all, no one cares anyway, and even if they do, there is no reason to complain, those who really care will realize I have come to journey's end, to the place where it all began, dust to dust, where I don't have to suffer the cost of living or bare the pains of loving. Perhaps I will be missed, perhaps I won't, too bad I've driven off everyone who'd come and say don't. No more yearning or discerning, just a young life lived and lost to world of careless dreams and wastes years full of screams, long days and dark nights where comfort has come only through the voices and instruments of those who dared to dream, all hail the Gods of metal. Life is a choice in which the only assurance is death, the get out of jail card, take it or not, the question returns after many years, make me ponder and wonder in the sound of silence.
